Inspiration And Information

 On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years." The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?" So God agreed....... On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span." The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?" And God agreed...... On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years." The cow said, "That's kind o...

13 New Year Resolutions For Internet Junky 1. I resolve... I resolve to... I resolve to, uh... I resolve to, uh, get my, er... I resolve to, uh, get my, er, off-line work done, too! 2. I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning... 4:30 is much more practical. 3. When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!" 4. I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person. 5. I will try to figure out why I *really* need 9 e-mail addresses. 6. I will stop sending e-mail to my roommate. 7. I will not buy magazines with AOL disks bound in just to get another 1.44MB disk. 8. I resolve to work with neglected children... my own. 9. I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm I answer e-mail. 10. When I subscribe to a newsgroup or mailing list, I will read all the mail I get from it. 11. I will stop using, "So, what's your URL?" as a pickup line. 12. I resolve...

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. Michel de Montaigne A husband is what is left of a lover, after the nerve has been extracted. Helen Rowland A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it. John Steinbeck A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished. Zsa Zsa Gabor A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. Joey Adams   A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. Mignon McLaughlin All marriages are happy. It's the living together afterward that causes all the trouble. Raymond Hull Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without. James C. Dobson He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of. Mae West I have learned that only two things are necessary t...

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A  JOB WELL DONE  . "If you're going to kill each other, do  it outside.. I just finished cleaning."  My mother taught me RELIGION . "You better pray that will come out of the carpet.."  My mother taught me about TIME  TRAVEL . "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock  you into the middle of next week!"  My mother taught me LOGIC . "  Because I said so, that's why."    My mother taught me MORE LOGIC  . "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going  to the store with me.."  My  mother taught me FORESIGHT . "Make sure you wear clean  underwear, in case you're in an accident."    My mother taught me IRONY . "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about." My Mother taught me about the  science of OSMOSIS  .  "Shut your mouth and eat your  supper."  M...

          Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.     Humor is the great thing, the saving thing.  The minute it crops up, all our irritation and resentments slip away, and a sunny spirit takes their place.  ~Mark Twain      Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquillity.  ~James Thurber Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds.  A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.  ~William James If I had no sense of humor, I would long ago have committed suicide.  ~Mahatma Gandhi The satirist shoots to kill while the humorist brings his prey back alive and eventually releases him again for another chance.  ~Peter De Vries    Humor is just another defense against the universe.  ~Mel Brooks Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.   ~Peter Ustinov The kind of humor I like is ...

Every day has its challenges hope that these quotes will help you find the humor in those challenges and keep on facing them A joke is a very serious thing. Winston Churchill Clifton Paul Fadiman                                                                               A sense of humor is the ability to understand a joke - and that the joke is oneself. A sense of humor... is needed armor. Joy in one's heart and some laughter on one's lips is a sign that the person down deep has a pretty good grasp of life. Hugh Sidey A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life. William A. Ward    Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it...