Things My Mother Taught Me...

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A  JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do  it outside.. I just finished cleaning." 

My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet.." 

My mother taught me about TIME  TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock  you into the middle of next week!" 

My mother taught me LOGIC.
"  Because I said so, that's why." 

 My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going  to the store with me.." 

My  mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean  underwear, in case you're in an accident." 

 My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

My Mother taught me about the  science of OSMOSIS . 

"Shut your mouth and eat your  supper." 

My mother taught  me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on  the back of your neck!"

My mother taught me about STAMINA  .
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone." 

My mother taught me about  WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went  through it."

My mother  taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've  told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!" 

My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF  LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take  you out.." 

My mother  taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
"Stop acting  like your father!" 

My  mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of  less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents  like you do."

 My mother  taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get  home." 

My mother taught  me about RECEIVING .
"You are going to get it when you  get home!" 

My mother  taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing  your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way." 

 My mother taught me ESP.
"Put  your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

My mother taught me  HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't  come running to me." 

My  mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
"If you don't  eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up." 

My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father." 

My mother taught me about my  ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you.  Do you think  you were born in a barn?" 

 My mother taught me about JUSTICE  .
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out  just like you !"

My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."