New Year Jokes, Resolutions and Cartoons

13 New Year Resolutions For Internet Junky

1. I resolve... I resolve to... I resolve to, uh... I resolve to, uh, get my, er... I resolve to, uh, get my, er, off-line work done, too!

2. I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning... 4:30 is much more practical.

3. When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!"

4. I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.

5. I will try to figure out why I *really* need 9 e-mail addresses.

6. I will stop sending e-mail to my roommate.

7. I will not buy magazines with AOL disks bound in just to get another 1.44MB disk.

8. I resolve to work with neglected children... my own.

9. I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm I answer e-mail.

10. When I subscribe to a newsgroup or mailing list, I will read all the mail I get from it.

11. I will stop using, "So, what's your URL?" as a pickup line.

12. I resolve to back up my new 400 GB hard drive daily... well, once a week... monthly, perhaps...

13. I will spend less than five hour a day on the Internet.

If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat - in other words, turn you into an adult.P. J. O'Rourke

New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.

James Agate

Comments

La Pieta.

In the midst of war and strife, Lies a world full of human life, Suffering and pain, tears and cries, As the ground beneath them dies. Mothers weep and children cry, As bombs fall from the sky, Fathers lost and brothers gone, As the battle rages on. Innocent lives caught in the crossfire, As the hatred and anger conspire, Leaving behind a trail of destruction, And a world full of disruption. Yet amidst all this chaos and despair, There is still a glimmer of hope and care, For those who strive for peace and love, And look to the heavens above. Let us come together, hand in hand, And build a world that we can all understand, Where the sun shines on every face, And we all live in a world full of grace.

Have a laugh with funny quotes

A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. George Bernard Shaw I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally. W. C. Fields Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse. Groucho Marx Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry. Bill Cosby Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home. Bill Cosby He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house. Zsa Zsa Gabor A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths. Steven Wright Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect. Steven Wright I intend to live forever. So far, so good. Steven Wright I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead. Woody Allen I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens. Woody Allen I do...

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